Sunday, November 10, 2013

The Next Chapter

Greetings everyone. I am writing to say that I am moving on to the next chapter in my life. I don't expect anyone to fully understand, as they have not lived my life just as I have not lived theirs. I am finally finding peace and understanding within myself and no longer have the urge to fight.

Incredible changes have occurred in my life over the past few years. Some of them devastating and some have been joyous and enlightening. All of them have proved to be valuable learning experiences. I am extremely proud to share that I have been in a wonderfully supportive and loving relationship with an incredible woman and that I am going to be a parent again, as we're expecting a child in the Spring! I am focusing my time and energy on this new chapter in my life and creating an environment of love for my children and family.

Despite what some of you might think, I have not caved into anything, have not been paid, have not signed any agreements and have not cut any deals. I have said all that I needed to say about this to all of the people who were willing to listen. I do know that there are many who still have battles and are suffering and I have faith that things will turn out in the end. Evolution will continue to occur and people will play their roles in the overall scheme of life as they see fit and choose for themselves, just as I am playing my role in this next chapter as I see it.

I truly do love each and every one of you for who you are and consider that I have made many friends. I wish everyone well, old and new alike.

Thank you,


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Wednesday, August 01, 2012

Collective Consciousness and the Reawakening of the Human Spirit

Big things are happening here lately, and I do mean big. There is a major shift occurring this year thoughout the world that is going to help lay the foundation and direction that our global society will follow for at least the next few decades, if not centuries.

While the Internet is tangible through the devices we use to experience it, its existence is also symbolic to the level of interconnectedness. With general awareness of mass populations being thwarted for a long time due to controlling interests, this time now is a manifestation of the power of our collective consciousness and will to survive as the human race.

Large groups of people are standing up to oppressive systems that are committing crimes agains humanity. The result is the fall and/or reorganization of governments, corporations, financial institutions and other corrupt leaders that either has already happened or is in the process of happening right now.

There are also warning signs that this instability can be dangerous, such as the massive power outages in India - leaving more than half a billion people in the dark, the neclear fallout from Fukushima, unnecessary loss of life from senseless violence, and more.

The idea though is not to focus on all the negative, for that will only bring about pain, sorrow, guilt and fear. Those are some of the emotions that controlling interests want to instill in society so that they can continue to pump out their propaganda. Don't believe me? Just turn on the news and you'll see what messages are being spread, including during the commercials.

Now I'm not condoning a "global uprising". I'm not in favor of anarchy, or anything close to that. What I am saying is that we have a reawakening occuring right now that is giving us the chance to evolve as individuals and as much larger communities by learning how to treat each other with respect and dignity, to hold people accountable for their actions, and to promote the truth.

In order to take full advantage of this time we must be able to view each other for our similarities, rather than focusing on our differences. Tolerance, love and friendship should be the ruling thoughts and emotions instead of judgment and hate. It is also a time of finding ways to be productive, industrious and creative, rather than looking for governments to provide for our wellbeing and finances - because that just puts that power back into their hands instead of in the hands of the people, where it belongs.

I know I am continuing to go through major transitions right now as well, and as someone who can sense and feel things, I'd like to invite you to tune into what is going on all around. Let's figure out where we stand individually as well as a society, and use this time of reawakening to forge a path toward many years of happiness here on Earth.

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Tuesday, April 10, 2012

The Pain I Feel

At times pulsing and convulsing
Coursing through my veins
Heart pumping and head pounding
Tears come down in streams

I cry out for the pain to end
Trying to take yours away
On my wounded knees I bend
So that you can be happy someday

I feel your struggle and hear your thoughts
As if they were my own
The relief you're seeking can't be bought
But the seeds have already been sown

Though you may not know me
I feel you clearly
How I wish you could see
That you are loved so dearly

Somewhere deep inside
You know that you have what it takes
To rise up from where you hide
And get out of that dark place

I'll share this sunshine with you
Any time you're ready
The hope is just a clue
Of the climb that is steady

For you are an amazing gift
Full of life from within
We all have sand to sift
Looking ahead is where to begin

Please don't fret
Because you're not alone
Whatever you do, don't forget
You're always welcome home

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Friday, September 23, 2011

Playing Hurt

I think middle fingers are symbols of strength and rebellion.  Mine have been through quite a bit, and seem to be a reflection of my own life, in a way.

When I was seven I fractured one of my middle fingers playing baseball.  I played catcher one game, but used a regular glove instead of a catcher's mit.  Despite that injury early on my love for baseball continued and I wound up being a pretty good player (though stayed away from being a catcher).

A few years later when I was 11 my coach over-threw the first baseman during base running drills at practice and hit me in the face.  I wound up with my eye swollen shut and seven stitches in my eyebrow, but I only missed one game.

When I was 13 I ripped open my other middle finger during basketball practice by touching the top of the doorway and getting it caught on the "x" in an exit sign.  I got nine stitches, but still played as soon as I got my stitches out.

At 15 I got hit in the face with a baseball again before a game.  This time I didn't need stitches, but I broke my nose, which bled slowly for over a week and had two black eyes, and still played in that game.  Every day now I am reminded of that incident when I look in the mirror and see my crooked nose.

Then I was out of school and didn't play sports for a while, but the injuries took different forms.   I suffered through a self-destructive phase but came out on the other end using my experiences to help others.

However, it wasn't the end of the physical injuries either.  A few years ago I tried to catch a falling glass (I know, not smart), and I cut my middle finger deeply and my ring finger as well.  I got 17 more stitches between the two.  I wound up having some nerve damage, but figured out how to keep typing (as a content writer and web publisher I spent most of my time on a keyboard) and got through a very difficult financial time.

Now I'm dealing with other forms of hurt, and once again trying to play through it.  What other choice is there, really, other than deciding that you will overcome the adversity and work to achieve your goals.  I have to remind myself that in each and every case I put myself in the position to get hurt to cause it directly or indirectly, but I don't regret being there or doing what I was doing at any of the times, despite the pain I had to deal with.

Two days ago I was cleaning out my car before going on a long drive and reached under the seat and took a layer of skin off the back of the same middle finger I had already gotten stitches in twice.  I looked and had to laugh to myself when I saw how beat up that finger is in its scarred and disfigured state, but like the symbolism of the middle finger, I'm pressing on regardless of the obstacles because it's the right thing to do.

In the past week I've had a chance to have conversations with two very cool people who I have only briefly known, both of whom are battling their own scars and injuries.  I hope I was able to enhance their lives as much as I feel enriched by being able to share such deep conversations with relative strangers.

Both of these people also watched my new film, Curing Addiction, after my conversations with them, and I hope it was able to have an additional positive impact on their lives.  So far the feedback from it has been great, and its ability to help people is a huge validation for having persisted despite the personal barriers I had to overcome in the last few months to even get it completed.

And so, once again I look at my middle finger and invite others to raise theirs as well and say a big "f___ you" to the challenges you have to face while going down your own path.

Sometimes you just gotta play hurt.

I encourage others to try and stay true to their own ideals and be honest with themselves as they work through the adversity, as I try to do the same.

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